


the space between

by quadflips



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M, First Love, Long-Distance Relationship, Slow Burn, these two and their uprooting of their lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-05-06 03:10:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14632863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quadflips/pseuds/quadflips
Summary: Two people. Two huge life changes.





	1. Chapter 1

_May, 2018_

Nathan sat down on a bench outside of the rink in Toronto, still out of breath from the marathon choreography session Lori had just put him through. "I want to make sure you have the time to perfect this," Lori had told him. He, of course, was running behind _everyone_ , as Yale was going to come calling for him sooner than the season would and he had a lot to do between then and now. Which everyone wanted to remind him of. Over and over again.

He felt caught between two worlds. Thoughts of class schedules and frat parties occupied one-half of his brain while the other thought of triple axels and why they even had to be invented in the first place. He never backed down from a challenge and that was something he prided himself on. He always felt the need to conquer everything he attempted. He didn't see this as being any different. He loved the thought of pushing himself to the limit, trying to do everything. He just didn't love the constant voice in the back of his head that told him that everyone thought he was making a mistake.

He knew his friends back at Lakewood thought so. Even if they were supportive. He had told them before he had put up Yale '22! without warning on Instagram (which resulted in him having to listen to a lecture from his agent about the importance of narratives and burying the lede) and while he heard their congratulations, he also heard the uncertainty in their voices. Almost like their, "Wow, Nathan! What an amazing achievement!" was laced with, "..You aren't serious, are you?" His mom was allowing him to make his own decisions now, not wanting to make much of a comment either way. She always expected the most out of him, so all he knew is whatever he chose to do, he better nail the hell out of it. Raf, was, well, Raf. Raf was the person he had been most nervous to tell. He had known Nathan had applied to schools on the East Coast, and in a different world, where the Olympics short program hadn't happened, where maybe he had won, they would have been celebrating the achievement as a next step after reaching their ultimate goal together. That hadn't happened, and Raf was already looking to 2022. Not that Nathan wasn't, but he also knew that four years was a long time. He needed to plan for the future. Nathan knew Raf didn't think skating and school was going to work. But he appreciated that Raf was willing to let him try. That was all that he really could have expected, since he didn't know if it was going to work either.

So, here he was, trying to do a season's worth of work in a summer. For the sake of trying. And because he never found an obstacle he couldn't defeat.

"Nathan!" a voice he didn't quite recognize right away broke him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see who it belonged to. He was welcomed with a bright smile and wide eyes. "H-Hey, Evgenia!" he stammered, unconsciously running a hand through his hair. He stood up and she quickly threw her arms around him. "I know I've told you before, you really should call me Zhenya," she said as she hugged him, waiting until he leaned into it (which took about twenty seconds) to pull away. 

It wasn't that Nathan was surprised to see her, he knew (shit, everyone knew) that she had just moved there to train with Brian. What he was more surprised by was the fact that she was there and seemed so happy to see him. Sure, they hadn't been unkind to each other, but they hadn't had many interactions either. He could remember hanging out in her and Wakaba's hotel room during the Grand Prix in France, but he mainly talked to Brendan the whole time while the girls tried to see how many Snapchat filters they could get a good photo out of.

"Sorry, Zhenya," he corrected, a small smile on his face. "Have you been here all day?" he asked, before he remembered the last time he saw her, at Stars on Ice in Japan. He instantly wanted to take the first question back but he didn't wait for an answer before speaking again. "How are you feeling?"  
\---  
Evgenia still couldn't believe this was her life. That she had left everything she had known in Russia, to start all over again in Toronto. Brian, Tracy, David - everyone had been amazingly welcoming. All of her new training mates had been supportive, wanting to make her feel at home in her new environment. It was more than she expected and more than she could have asked for.

Even with all the new faces, all the new places and potential friends, there was a certain loneliness that she couldn't describe. 

She wasn't able to be on the ice yet. She kept hearing the words, "Soon, soon... You're almost ready." She was beginning to feel like soon would never come. Soon was just a construct, meant to dangle in front of her as a means to drive her crazy. She thought maybe that was the reason for the loneliness. The ice had always been home to her, no matter where she was. Maybe once she was able to skate again, maybe that would go away.

She also felt caught between two worlds. Moscow and Toronto couldn't have been more different in terms of well, everything. She was looking for a change and that was why she came there, but nothing about it was easy. On days when she felt really frustrated, her thoughts went back to Russia. If she was still there, would she already be skating? She was taught to fight through pain, that it was temporary, that they couldn't and wouldn't waste any time. Here, she heard words like "soon" and the importance of "pacing herself." She could speak English, but Brian may as well have been speaking a foreign language.

She had just come from a particularly intense physical therapy session and was about to text her mom that she was ready to be picked up when she spotted Nathan from across the room. They had never been particularly close and she didn't know him all that well, but she found herself gravitating to him all the same. 

She counted the seconds it took for him to accept the fact that she had hugged him (fifteen) and smiled at him when they pulled apart. "I'm fine," she waved off his question, not wanting to get into the intricacies of "soon" and how visualizations were supposed to replace the feeling of ice beneath her blades. There was a flash of concern on his face that didn't go unnoticed, but she ignored it. "I've been here for a few hours, just doing some off-ice work. What are you doing here?" It hadn't taken her long to realize that many people came through Toronto for many different reasons. 

"Just getting some choreography done," he responded, shrugging his shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal. She would give anything to say that she was getting some choreography done. She instantly wanted to ask him questions about his new programs, what they were like, anything to live vicariously through him but his nonchalant response gave her pause and so she didn't. "How long are you here for?" she asked. "I'm here for three more days. We have a lot to get done," he said.

One reason why she realized that she and Nathan hadn't interacted much was that he was pretty shy. Skating was full of big personalities and the quiet ones kept to themselves. Evgenia wouldn't go as far as to say that she had a huge personality but she definitely found herself surrounded by them. "Will you be here tomorrow?" Nathan asked and she found herself surprised by the follow-up question. She nodded and he smiled. He had a nice smile. "Cool. I need to go get changed and head out for the night. But I'll look out for you tomorrow, okay? It was good to see you, Zhenya. And I'm glad you're doing fine," he repeated her word usage and she realized how hollow it sounded, but she just waved goodbye and watched as he turned toward the locker rooms.  
\---  
The next two days came and went. If Nathan thought Lori worked him hard the first day, the second and third days were _insane_. Every muscle in his body ached. He knew how important it was to continue to work on his presentation mark, especially since he was the reigning world champion and people _expected_ a certain level of skating after that. It was also something he wanted to do. It was important to set a standard for himself to build upon for the next four years. Even with college on his mind, it was important for his skating to grow as well.

He had only looked for Zhenya (he had to get used to calling her that) briefly on the second day. He hadn't seen her when he first got off the ice and he felt like he was going to fall asleep standing up after working all day, so he wound up leaving before he could do a more thorough search. He felt badly though, knowing he had told her that he would look for her. He figured she was probably busy though, and the most they would have done is have another quick conversation before going their separate ways. 

On his last full day, Nathan left the locker room with his bag over his shoulder. His eyes scanned the room and still no Zhenya. Maybe their paths weren't meant to cross again. This was a busy rink, after all. He made his way outside and was about to head to the car when he spotted her. She was sitting on a bench, legs crossed with her phone in her lap. Her head was resting on her hand and she was completely engrossed in whatever she was reading. He just watched her for a minute, deciding whether or not to even interrupt her. Before he even realized he had made up his mind, he was next to her. He didn't say anything, expecting her to notice that a person had invaded her space, but when she didn't even look up, he cleared his throat. 

Her head popped up quickly as if she were startled, but the surprised look on her face quickly melted into a smile. "Nathan!" she exclaimed. "You found me! I looked for you yesterday but we must not have been here at the same time." 

"I found you," Nathan repeated. He nodded to her phone. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything.." he trailed off and before he could even finish, Zhenya was shaking her head. "No, no! Just scrolling through Instagram. I'm happy to see you," she reassured him. Nathan didn't expect the tiny flutter he felt in the pit of his stomach when she said that. "How was your session today?"

"Tiring, long. But I feel like it's finally coming together, so that's something," he said, speaking quickly. "What are you doing out here? Are you all done for today?"

She nodded her head. "Yeah, I was about to text my mom to come pick me up. I can't drive here yet." Nathan chewed on his bottom lip, trying to decide on something. Nathan didn't make any decisions lightly. His thought to major in statistics wasn't by accident. He thought in probabilities, analyzed odds and lived by the outcomes. Often choosing the risky ones. Today was no exception. "Well, hey, it's my last night here. I don't have anything to do tonight. I've got a rental car. I could take you home, you know, if you wanted."  
\---  
Zhenya had been putting off texting her mother. Maybe it was because it was a beautiful Spring day, maybe it was because she wanted to see if Nathan would appear. Whatever it was, she hadn't texted her and then Nathan appeared. She could tell he was thinking about something before he asked if she wanted him to take her home. She tried to contain her smile but found it difficult and gave up, instantly hopping up off the bench before she even responded.

"On one condition, we make a stop first."  
\---  
Zhenya had found a lot to love in Toronto, but the gelato shop a few blocks from her apartment was near the top of the list. A few months ago, simply enjoying gelato would have been unheard of. She was still getting used to a world where it was okay to stop and get a scoop of ice cream without feeling guilty. She ordered a scoop of Bacio and watched as Nathan ordered two scoops of Stracciatella, because he had insisted on paying. 

They decided on walking around after they got their ice cream, the streets now busy with the after-work crowd. As they started walking, Zhenya peeked over Nathan, who hadn't said anything since they had ordered their ice cream. "Do you like it?" 

He finished the bite he had just taken before he glanced over at her, "I'm just thinking about if it's possible to get legally married to ice cream. So I mean, if that means I like it, I guess it's fine," he said with a smile. Zhenya beamed, feeling pleased with herself. 

"I'm glad," she said simply, glancing around at the views of the city as they strolled. They were both quiet for a few moments, walking side-by-side before Nathan's voice broke up the silence. "Do you like it here?"

"Do you want the real answer?" Zhenya stopped walking for a moment.

Nathan shrugged his shoulders, stopping a bit ahead of her, turning around to face her. "You can tell me whatever answer you want to," he said. "I'm sure it would be easy for you to say that it's fine, right? You could tell me that. Or you could tell me the real answer. I think it'll matter more to you than it will to me." He was quick to add, "Not that your answer doesn't matter to me. But you see, I have no real way of knowing what you truly think."

Zhenya smiled at that. "You mean, you can't read minds? And here I thought, you, six quads master, could do anything." Nathan laughed. "Haven't mastered that yet, no. Working on it though."

"Okay, well, since you haven't mastered that yet...real answer. Yes. But I miss home more than I expected to." Nathan looked like he was waiting for her to continue, taking another bite of his ice cream. When she didn't, he waved a hand. "Okay, but I think that's pretty normal. I mean, you lived in Russia your whole life."

"Yeah, but, I don't know," she started walking again, "I think I thought that when I got here...all the problems, everything would be easier. But it comes with a new set of problems. Or...challenges. It's just, a lot to get used to. Not that I'm not grateful, I am..I just have a lot of work to do. And I think it's scary."

Nathan was quiet for a few moments, finishing his last few bites of ice cream. He ate _fast_. Zhenya had only had a few bites of hers and it was already melting. "Well, I don't know if it means anything. But I think you're brave," he said, as he scraped the last bit of gelato from the cup.

Zhenya would have to get used to the way Nathan spoke. He didn't say a lot, but what he did say was direct. To the point. She didn't feel like he was talking for the sake of talking, or to hear the sound of his own voice. He was extremely thoughtful with what he said and how he said it.

"..You do?" she was surprised by the statement, but he just nodded. "Yeah, I mean. Not a lot of people would have done this. It's one thing to move to another state to train, or to another coach - but you came to a different country, to a very different coach and you are starting over. It's a big risk. And it's brave." 

"I don't take risks often," she commented, thinking about how up until now, her life had been planned, scheduled, decided for her. There hadn't been a portion of her life that wasn't micro-managed in one way or another. Now, while there were still schedules to adhere to and routines to follow, there was a level of freedom that she had never known before.

"I take risks all the time," Nathan shrugged, as if it was no big deal. She wished to be that confident. "One might say you are reckless," she teased. He chuckled, nodding in agreement. "I bet more than one person has said that."

"How do you know when a risk is worth it?" she asked him, not sure if there was even an answer to her question but wanting to ask him all the same. She found herself wanting to know his answer to a lot of things. She wasn't sure why. He thought for a moment. "Depends on why you took the risk, I think. Like, okay, in basketball, if my team is down by two and there's five seconds left in the game.. I can go for two and tie it up and then run the risk of still losing. Or I can go for three and win it all."

"...Or you can go for three and not make it and lose anyway," she pointed out. He looked so pleased that she was humoring his basketball story that she forgot that she knew literally nothing about basketball. She would gladly talk with him about it all day. "Right! But like, what if I just go for two and then we wind up losing anyway. If I'm taking the risk to go big, then I have to accept whatever comes with that - whether it's a win or a loss. So to me, it would be worth it - because to not take the risk wouldn't have been as satisfying."

Zhenya just looked at him for a minute. "You really like basketball, huh?" Nathan laughed, nodding his head. "I think love would be a better term for it." 

"Don't let the gelato hear you say that," Zhenya faux-whispered, to which Nathan laughed more. He had a high-pitch giggle that she had never heard until now. She didn't want that to be the last time that she heard it. 

"But yeah, I think you are going to be just fine here." Nathan said after he stopped laughing. Zhenya tilted her head to look at him. "Yeah?" Nathan nodded. "Just think about where you were...were you going to be able to get where you wanted to go there?"

She shook her head. "No, I had to leave." 

"See what I mean!" Nathan exclaimed. "So think of it like that. This is a necessary risk. You know if you stayed there, you already knew what was going to happen. Here, you're taking the risk to go big but the odds of success are so much greater. And hey, I'll be rooting for you."

Zhenya smiled the whole way back to the car and tried to calculate the odds of Nathan's pinky finger repeatedly bumping into hers being an accident or completely on purpose. The smile on his face had her believing the odds were in her favor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the kudos! hope you are enjoying so far.

_June 2018, Japan_

Nathan got onto the ice for rehearsals having arrived only a few hours before. He barely knew what time it was, but these summer shows were always this way. Show up, rehearse, do the show, go back home. Most likely to return in a few weeks to do the same thing all over again. 

"Hey, man. Heard you just got here. Take this," Alex Shibutani skated by him, handing him a cup of coffee. Nathan took it gratefully, sipping it slowly, shutting his eyes as if willing the caffeine to take over his body immediately. The time spent on the Stars on Ice tour had taught everyone involved a lot about each other. It also taught Nathan that he really, really liked coffee. "Thanks," Nathan said finally, leaning up against the boards as he scanned the ice to see who was there. 

It was a big cast and he felt grateful to be included. He saw Yuzu and Shoma, deep in conversation. Well, Yuzu was talking and Shoma was listening and nodding. Javier and Maia were laughing about something. Kazuki and Keiji were skating around in circles, mirroring each other's movements to pass the time. In the middle of the ice stood a few of the girls: Satoko, Wakaba, and Evgenia (who was not doing a very good job of looking invested in whatever Wakaba was saying, and instead was looking straight at him) and Nathan met her eyes briefly, giving her a small smile. She smiled back quickly but then looked back at Wakaba with a sheepish look on her face.

Nathan had left Canada the day after their gelato trip. In the time since she seemed to occupy more and more of his mind space with every passing day. He didn't even realize it was happening until he found himself in bed one night on her Instagram page, scrolling through pictures from over a year ago. "Fuck," he had mumbled to himself, knowing that having a crush on her was the last thing he or she needed right then. But of course, once he acknowledged it, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Their conversation on the city street. The way she laughed with her entire body. The fact that he had been more real with her than he had with anyone in a long time. 

It freaked him out if he was being honest. Amber was the one person he had dated and even then, he was only sixteen and they spent the majority of their "relationship" in separate states. Hell, they had ended it over text messages after he medalled at the Grand Prix Final. There had been hotel hook-ups after competitions, unspoken and never repeated. Other than that, he had kept to himself, kept to his goals. But he didn't know what the hell this thing with Evgenia was. Or even if it was a thing. It probably wasn't. Maybe. 

And besides, he was basing all of this on one day. One interaction. He wished he had a bigger sample size. He couldn't help but wonder if he had seen her again before he left Canada, what would he have said? Would he have tried to get her number? Maybe he would have taken her to get ice cream again. Or something else. Pizza? Just taken a walk? He thought about DM'ing her on Instagram. Just to check in. He wrote several openers that went unsent. "Dreaming of that gelato..." "How's Canada treating you these days?" "Can't sleep, you awake?" 

What an idiot, he thought to himself. Can't even send a damn DM.

He knew that she would be at this show, but so would a lot of people. A lot of people she seemed close to. By the time he arrived in Japan, he had basically talked himself out of even trying to feel things out with her. He didn't expect to even talk to her much. He figured their interactions would go back to how they were before Toronto, simple pleasantries, nothing more. He convinced himself he was okay with that.

But then here she was, acting like she wasn't staring at him when she clearly had been. He looked over at Alex, who hadn't seemed to pick up on anything at all. By the time he looked back over at Evgenia, she had moved further down the ice to join Yuzu and Shoma's conversation. Maybe he had imagined it after all.

Coffee. Coffee made sense. He was going to stick with that.   
\---  
She noticed him as soon as he walked into the arena. She looked past Satoko, who's back was to him, and watched him yawning as he took his skate guards off. He checked his phone briefly and stepped onto the ice. She watched as Alex handed him coffee and the two of them spoke to each other. 

Her cheeks flushed as his eyes fell on her, obviously having caught her staring. 

She, too, had thought a lot about their time together in Toronto. She wished she could have seen him one more time before he left. She actually stayed at the rink for an extra hour, just mulling around, hoping that he would appear. He hadn't though, having left earlier that day. She found herself missing him as soon as she heard he was gone.

She normally didn't keep up with many other skaters and their performances. Not because she didn't want to, but because she was always so focused on what she was doing. She stayed up until 3 am one night watching old performances of his, being amazed at the athleticism, at his poise.

And oh yeah, he was cute.

That wasn't necessarily a new fact. Many of the girls often talked about his looks. His curly hair was often mentioned as a particular selling point. Also that he was nice. And smart. And normally up for a make-out session when presented with the opportunity. She got that last bit of information from Maria, who swore she didn't know that information first-hand but also said that she couldn't give up her sources either.

Evgenia felt like she was twelve years old, asking her friends for information about a boy. That she maybe liked. Well, she didn't even know if she liked him, but she knew that she liked being around him. She just didn't really know how to do this. How to interpret things. How to figure this out. She had little flings over the years, just to pass whatever free moment she had, nothing ever serious though - there was no time for that. Boys could wait, her mom told her. So she listened. 

She didn't try to talk to him. She didn't message him on Instagram, like any of the pictures he posted. This wasn't something she wanted to figure out over text messages and words on a screen. She figured that they could talk at some point during their few days in Japan.

The only problem was, they didn't. 

During rehearsals, Nathan didn't make an effort to come talk to her. And it wasn't for a lack of trying either, they skated by each other, their eyes met a few times - but beyond some shared smiles, there was no interaction at all.

It was maddening. 

Maybe she was being stupid, there was nothing stopping her from talking to him first. But it almost became a game after the first day, when he made himself scarce as soon as rehearsals were over, overhearing Maia say that he and Alex had plans to go out that night. Her competitive side came out then, swearing that she wasn't going to be the first one to speak. 

Maybe she had imagined the connection between them, after all. Hell, that would make things so much easier for her anyway.

The show came and went. At this point, Evgenia had been almost full-blown ignoring him. She had stopped trying to meet his eyes in the hallways, she had stopped waiting around a few extra minutes to see if he would walk by. But then he found his way next to her during the closing bows and she didn't think she imagined him squeezing her hand as he grabbed it, even though when she looked at him, he wasn't looking at her. 

She hated boys. She finally understood what her mother was talking about all those years. Boys could wait.  
\---  
A perk of doing a show with a bunch of older skaters was that it was easy to drink without anyone caring. It was just so readily available. Of course, she was over eighteen so in Europe, it wasn't a big deal, but here, she was still underage. Not that anyone cared. Wakaba had grabbed one of the maybe twelve bottles of saké and they sat on the counter in the bathroom, passing the bottle back and forth silently between the two of them for a while. 

Evgenia, not being much of a drinker, felt the wine go to her head rather quickly.

And she decided that she was done with whatever game this was. "I'll be back," she said to Wakaba, hopping up off the counter. As she was walking out of the bathroom, Satoko was coming in. "Keep Waka company," Evgenia told her, in an almost over-exaggerated manner, confusing Satoko in the process.

She made her way back into the party, where she felt like the crowd had multiplied since she had last been in there. Had it been that long? She didn't even know. Her eyes scanned the room and fell on him, sitting in the corner alone, looking through his phone. Perfect.

He looked really good in his suit, but that was not important. Completely beside the point.

She walked over and stood in front of him, hands on her hips. "Well, hello," she said, trying to sound cooler than she was sure it came out. 

Her voice seemed to take him by surprise because his head snapped up quickly. She couldn't read his expression. He almost looked...amused?

Stop smiling, damn it, she thought to herself. That's going to make this harder.

"Well, hello yourself," he responded, his smile growing. "You doing okay?"

"No," she blurted out. She regretted it instantly. Wasn't this whole interaction supposed to show him what he was missing? She shouldn't have drunk before coming over here. "Why haven't you talked to me?"

He looked like he was about to speak, but then he paused, shoving his phone into his pocket and standing up. "Can I show you something?"

His non-answer took her by surprise, but she found herself nodding before her mind could catch up.

"Cool. Grab another bottle of saké while you are at it. ..Unless you are done drinking for the night."

Damn it.  
\---  
Nathan was (pleasantly) surprised when Evgenia appeared in front of him.

He hadn't been avoiding her, but he hadn't not been avoiding her either. It was just hard. There was always so many people around. And he didn't know how to start.

Hey, Zhenya. I've been thinking about you since I left Canada.

Hey, Zhenya. Did you know I've only been on your Instagram page sixty times in the last month?

Hey, Zhenya. Do you know it's less than a ten-hour drive between Yale and Toronto? Or that it's only a two-hour plane ride? I know. Because I googled it at 3 am one night.

No, he couldn't just walk up to her and say any of that. So he chose to say nothing. And now she was in front of him. Clearly mad, but also kind of not.

It was time to stop being afraid.

And also, a buzzed Zhenya was pretty cute.

Once she had grabbed another bottle of saké, he started walking out into the hallway. He didn't have the courage to take her hand until he found the stairwell. He didn't look at her, just reached for her hand as they went up a few flights of stairs until they got to the roof.

It was dark, a light summer breeze fanning their faces as they walked closer to the roof's edge.

"Every hotel I'm in, I always check to see if there's roof access. I love playing guitar in places like this," he explained as they stopped walking, still holding onto her hand. 

She said nothing, taking in the view. He watched her instead.

He dropped her hand, reaching for the wine that was still in her other hand. He popped it open, taking a long sip of it before handing it to her. She took it but didn't take a sip, instead walking closer to the ledge, sitting down. 

Nathan followed her lead, sitting down next to her. "I'm sorry," he started. "I..I should have talked to you. It's just.. it's hard for me, in places like this," he gestured to downstairs. "I mean, you saw me in there. I was sitting in the corner on my phone. I'm not exactly the most talkative person here."

Evgenia looked at him then. "But you were with me. Before." Nathan nodded. "I was, you're right. Truth is, it was easier. Before."

She finally took a sip of the saké before handing it over to him. "Before what?" she asked. The little shudder she did as the wine hit the back of her throat didn't go unnoticed, but he just logged it on the mental list he was unconsciously making with things he liked about her. 

Nathan took another drink, longer than the first. He wasn't good at shit like this, but the fact that she had come over to talk to him at all made him want to be brave too. He was really trying.

"Before I left Canada..and couldn't stop thinking about that day. With you."  
\---  
Evgenia thought she was hearing things. Maybe she _had_ drank too much saké. (She probably had drunk too much saké an hour ago.)

Ever since he had brought her up on the rooftop, her mind had been in a bit of a fog. The view. Nathan holding her hand. The fact that Nathan played GUITAR. 

She had spent days talking herself out of whatever this was. She had almost convinced herself it was all in her head. But now here he was, validating all of it. 

Now she was more confused than ever. This wasn't the way it was supposed to work, was it?

Not that she expected music and a romantic kiss under the stars, but she just expected this to be...easier. It felt like things just got a hundred times more complicated.

She must have been lost in her thoughts for a while because when she looked back over at Nathan, he looked like he was about to die.

"..Okay, maybe you don't feel-" Nathan started, trying to do damage control but Evgenia shook her head quickly, reaching over and placing her hand over his. "I do. Feel the same, I mean." She started giggling, not being able to help herself. "I mean, why do you think I was so mad at you for not talking to me?"

Nathan started laughing too, probably out of relief more than anything else. "Well, I'm glad you got mad at me. I deserved it." Evgenia nodded. "You really did, you know," her voice softened as her eyes trailed down to her hand, which was once on top of his. He had turned his palm over so he was holding her hand now, linking their fingers together. 

When she looked back up at him, she was met with a (rather disarming) smile. "I won't do it again, I promise." 

They were quiet for a few moments, neither one's eyes willing to break apart from the other's. "What now?" Evgenia finally asked.

Nathan shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I mean, the summer's busy. I'm in California until the end of August before I go out East for school. Raf's already pissed that I'm leaving to begin with, so making random visits to Toronto probably would be frowned upon."

Evgenia nodded. She had wanted to tell him how much she admired him, trying to do school the way he was and train at the same time. She decided to save that for a later conversation though, as this didn't seem like the time. "Yeah, and I just got to Toronto and can finally skate again..so I probably shouldn't leave either."

"Yeah," Nathan agreed. He took another sip of saké. "Alright," he started. "You tell me how this sounds. We have tonight. We leave here. With each other's phone numbers. And we talk. A lot. All summer. Get to know each other more. We still don't know much about each other. Then, when the season starts, maybe we'll have some competitions together. Yale is only two hours away from Toronto by plane. We just can see where things go."

Evgenia did hear everything he said. She really did. But she couldn't help the smile that formed on her face. "How do you know Yale's only two hours away from Toronto by plane?"

Nathan got a sheepish look on his face, scratching the back of his head as he ducked in embarrassment. "I need more saké," he said, avoiding the question.

"Nathan Chen, did you look it up?" Evgenia asked, scooting closer to him, so their knees were touching. Nathan quickly took another drink, shaking his head. "You did, you totally looked it up!" she exclaimed, grinning widely at him. "You really were thinking about me."

He pulled the bottle away from his lips and set it down on the ledge next to him, nodding. "Yeah, I really was." 

The air seemed to change then. Maybe it was the fact that they had a plan now. Or that she knew it wasn't all in her head. Or maybe it was the way he was looking at her, like she was the only person on the planet.

She swallowed her sudden shyness down, his quiet intensity affecting her in a way she couldn't explain. "So, your plan, I think it could work," she said softly. 

Was it just her imagination, or was he moving in closer to her?

"Me too," he replied, just as softly.

Yes, he was definitely closer than he was twenty seconds before.

"So, we have tonight..." she trailed off, her eyes drifting down to his mouth. Which was dangerously close to her own.

"We have tonight," he repeated, and he was so close that she almost _felt_ the words rather than hear them.

And when he kissed her, she wished that tonight would last forever.


	3. Chapter 3

_July, 2018_

Nathan settled into bed for the evening, having spent the day at the rink showing his newly choreographed program to Raf and the evening at Romain and Mariah's, barbequing out on the porch. He was trying his best to soak in every moment he had left in California. He was excited about the future and it wasn't like he would never be back here again, but he knew he'd miss the routine, the expected. He thrived on it. 

Nathan unlocked his phone and instinctively clicked on Instagram. Her posts always seemed to be at the forefront of his page, which he appreciated. He clicked on her story and couldn't help the smile that gripped his face as he watched her laughing on the streets of Toronto with Jason. He had known Jason for a while but he wouldn't exactly say they were friends, but he had always been nice to him and Nathan enjoyed being on tour with him. He was glad that Zhenya had him there. It wasn't lost on him how quickly she seemed to acclimate to being there, how she already settled into a rhythm, how she seemed to belong. 

And also how pretty she looked.

He opened up to reply to the video, thinking for a minute before just responding with a heart-eyed emoji. It got the point across, he thought.

They had talked a lot since leaving Japan. At least once a day. On busy days, where he knew they were both tired from training, there was mainly just "good morning!" and "good night" texts exchanged, with an occasional gif thrown in throughout the day. Usually of a dog. 

Other times, they spent hours talking. They talked a little about skating, but mainly everything else. Movies and music and food and what they thought about anything and everything. She'd ask him to play her a song on the guitar. He'd say anything to get her to laugh. When she laughed, it felt like he was closer to her. 

He was about to keep scrolling through Instagram before going to bed before he saw a notification pop up in the corner of the screen. 

"Took you long enough to respond ;)" she had replied. Yeah, she had posted that hours ago.

"Shhh, well, I'm sorry for keeping you waiting!" 

Another quick response. "Worth the wait :)"  
-  
Evgenia had learned that while Nathan was a skater, he certainly wasn't in the figure skating world. 

She often kept track of things, people's new programs, or if they changed coaches, different shows that were going on. She liked to know everything. Nathan, on the other hand, didn't seem to know much of anything that was going on. He spent his time away from the rink watching basketball or skateboarding. He seemed to be able to live two separate lives. Which is how it came to be that he hadn't realized that the two of them were going to be performing at the same ice show, back in Japan.

She had realized right away that they were going to be seeing each other again but she realized when he casually mentioned packing for Japan without any indication of them seeing each other that he didn't know that she'd be there. That wasn't surprising. She had seen how he mainly kept to himself. She mainly found it funny that he hadn't thought to ask or look to see if she'd be there. 

So she decided to surprise him. 

Not many people knew about them, whatever it is they were, so she didn't think it would get back to him that she was going to be there too. Even the day that she was leaving, they had spoken in the morning, and she had told him to have a good flight...and he seemed completely oblivious.

Perfect.

She had to get a little crafty by tracking his flight, as it seemed that he was going to arrive a few hours before her. She didn't want to accidentally run into him at the airport. Well, really, that would have been fine, a reunion is a reunion, but she wanted it to be more private.   
-  
She had perfected the art of getting the right amount of sleep on the flight so that she arrived in Japan feeling refreshed. As refreshed as she could after a 13-hour flight.

She was dropped off at the hotel and one of the event coordinators greeted her with a room key. She didn't want to make anyone suspicious, but she needed to know which room was Nathan's.

"Um... are any other skaters here yet?" she asked and the event coordinator nodded excitedly. "Yes, oh yes! All the Japanese skaters of course, and Scott and Tessa..and Nathan got here a little bit ago, Aljona..." she had started to continue before Evgenia cut her off.

"Oh! Are we all on the same floor?" she asked quickly. The coordinator nodded, "No, spread out...on three floors I think." 

"What room are Scott and Tessa and Nathan in?" She figured adding Scott and Tessa in there would seem a little less obvious. "I haven't seen them in a while and I thought I'd say hi!"

The event coordinator checked her clipboard. "Tessa is in.... 310. Scott is in 350. Nathan is in 240. Evgenia looked down at her room key. 210. 

Again, perfect.

"Okay, thank you!" she exclaimed, quickly scattering off to the elevator, no longer needing to make small talk and feeling all too excited to get upstairs.

She first made a stop at her room, dropping her things off. She glanced in the mirror, not wanting to look like she had just stepped off the plane. She opened her suitcase and pulled out her makeup bag, quickly applying some concealer under her eyes as well as some eyeliner. She ran her fingers through her hair before feeling satisfied with what she saw. There were many occasions on Facetime where he'd see her without makeup on after a long day where she could barely hold her eyes open.

She could tell he thought she looked pretty even then.

She knew because he would tell her so.

So she knew he didn't care what she looked like in that moment, she just couldn't wait to surprise him. She decided to have a little fun though first.

She pulled out her phone, "Hey! Did you make it? How was your flight?"

He normally was attached to his phone so she wasn't surprised when she quickly saw the three dots that indicated he was responding.

"It was good. I'm alive. May never leave the hotel room though. Bed is amazing."

She felt her cheeks flush in spite of herself. "I'm sure you'll find a reason to get out of bed at some point," she typed in response.

"Doubtful. Bed = life" he responded, before adding the sleeping emoji.  
-  
She didn't answer him after that, instead he left her room, making sure the door locked behind her. His room was only right down the hall. She knocked lightly and could hear movement inside the room. "Hang on," she heard him say, his voice thick with fatigue. She leaned against the doorframe, not wanting to respond back, just wanting him to see her.

When he opened the door, his eyes widened and he brought his fingers up to rub at them as if trying to convince himself he wasn't really seeing her. 

"Surprise," she said softly, smiling at the sight of him. His hair had continued to grow and it was sticking up in a thousand places, he was wearing a Yale t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, feet bare. 

"Wait, wasn't I just texting you? I know technology is awesome, but I didn't realize it was this awesome."

"This is what happens when you don't bother to look at who else is doing this show with you," she told him, laughing at the look on his face as it dawned on him.

"Wait, are you serious? I'm a fucking idiot," he conceded, shaking his head. "But you, you are a good secret keeper. C'mere." His hands reached out to grab hers, gently guiding her into the room. She nudged the door shut behind her with her hip, wanting to keep holding on to him.

"Ev, I've missed you," he said softly once the door closed. She smiled at the nickname he had given her. He called her that in quiet moments. She liked it because it felt like it was something just for them. Nobody else called her that but him.

"Me too," she smiled up at him. "Keeping the secret..it was hard. I wanted to tell you."

"This was better," he squeezed her hands before pulling her closer to him so that he could wrap his arms around her waist. "Never tell me if you are going to be at the same show as me. I'll never look. This can be our thing."

She shook her head, "But then you would be disappointed if I'm not there. And then you'd be upset." 

He leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. "Guess that means you'll have to do all shows with me from now on. I don't make the rules," he said, grinning down at her.

She couldn't find a reason to disagree with him. And she didn't want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! this is a short one but i wanted to get something up!!! thank you for your patience xo


	4. Chapter 4

"A tango," Evgenia said to herself and Nathan took his eyes off of his computer to look at her. They were sitting comfortably on his bed at the hotel after the first show. He was working on schoolwork as Yale had been accommodating enough to send him a few things early, knowing his schedule would be crazy and wanting to give him a headstart. He was lying horizontally on the edge of the bed while she was curled up on the pillows, feet tucked up underneath of her to make sure he had room. 

"What?" he asked. She had been scrolling on her phone for the past twenty minutes, silent, and he didn't know what she was talking about. 

"I want to tell Brian and David that I want to do a tango this season," she clarified, turning her phone around so he could see that she was looking at a list of suggestions she had compiled about her programs for the upcoming year. 

Nathan nodded his head and smiled wryly. "I'm into it. Sexy," he commented. Evgenia responded by throwing a pillow at him.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, not being able to help his laughter. "Watch the Macbook. And my glasses. And the pretty face they are resting on."

"You are lucky I didn't kick you," she retorted. He closed his Macbook and slid up towards her, ensuring that kicking him off the bed was the last thing she would want him to do.  
\----  
Throughout the week of shows, they tried their best to be discreet. They liked to think no one noticed the stolen glances (even though most everyone did) or the shared smiles (which again, everyone did) but Evgenia's never mad at the way he grabbed her hand and squeezed it in the low light of the tunnel before the closing number, threading their fingers together for just a brief moment. And in that breath of time, she didn't care if anyone saw.

Everyone also noticed the way that they both sneaked off on the elevator together, claiming that they were "tired" instead of hanging out with the cast and if they looked close enough, they could see their lips meet before the elevator doors close, tired of pretending for the day.  
\----  
They decided they were through pretending at the after-party to celebrate the final show. She was wearing a gold dress with her hair let out, falling loosely around her face. She had walked in with Wakaba and Nathan knew by the way her eyes scanned the room that she was looking for him. He waited patiently for her to notice him and he was met with a huge smile when she did. She excused herself from Wakaba and strolled over to him. He was wearing a white button-down with the sleeves rolled up, a pair of black pants and his glasses and felt infinitely inferior to the goddess standing in front of him. 

"You look nice. Handsome," she told him when he didn't say anything right away, too busy staring. He never got a prom night, never went to a school dance, hell, never had a moment that felt like the way they made it look in movies, which he always thought was stupid, because who the fuck's breath caught in their throat when a girl came down the stairs? 

Well, he got it now. 

"You're beautiful," he told her, and he didn't mean just then (even though she was), but always. 

"Well, I did get a little dressed up for you," she admitted, stepping closer to him. "That's why I'm a little late. You didn't start drinking any sake without me, did you?" she teased. "You told me you wouldn't."

Nathan didn't know when that had become their thing but since they spent so much of their time in Japan, it only made sense. He shook his head, "Of course not." 

They took two shots each before he drummed up the courage to ask her to dance with him. Some of the older skaters had been dancing since they arrived so they hardly noticed when Nathan and Evgenia joined in. They did notice when he stopped dancing and kissed her in front of everyone, arms wrapped up tightly around her, not afraid to let everyone know he was hers. 

He didn't know if she was officially his, but the more that time went on, he knew that he was hers.   
\----  
"I want you to come to California."

Evgenia was laying down with his head in her lap, aimlessly running her fingers through his curls. Her makeup was slightly smudged from earlier but she was too tired to care. She was wearing one of his shirts while he didn't have on one at all. The bottle of sake that they finally finished sitting on the nightstand next to them. 

The request took her by surprise. She looked down at him, "When?" 

His eyes were shut, but they opened when she responded. "I am only there for another month or so before I leave. So, sometime before then? Even if it's just for a weekend, I know you probably can't come for longer."

"What happened to 'just seeing where things go?'" she asked, recalling their conversation the previous month where they weren't going to necessarily push the issue but were just going to go with the flow, but inviting her to California felt like a bit more than that.

Not that she minded. Everything felt a bit bigger now. 

Nathan looked a bit confused and she instantly regretted asking that. "I mean, you are in my bed right now, wearing my shirt..." he trailed off, and she could practically see the wheels turning in his mind. Like maybe he had misread things.

She quickly leaned down and kissed him, wanting to turn those thoughts off. "No, I didn't mean it like that... I just meant that.." She didn't know what she meant. 

The truth was, she was scared. Everyone knew about them now. There was no hiding, no pretending. Sure, they could chalk it up to a random hook-up, there were plenty of those in the skating world; drunken evenings after competitions that nobody talked about but everyone knew about. But she didn't even want to pretend that was what this was. It was so much more than that. She felt so much more than that. That's what scared her more than anything. Things were already changing so much in her life and now this.

"Things are moving quickly," she finished. Nathan's confusion turned to concern but Evgenia shook her head to calm him. "I don't mind it. It's just, if you think about it, we haven't spent that much time together. In person. And yet here I am with you. And I keep thinking about what it'll be like to say goodbye to you tomorrow..."

There was a lot that she wasn't saying. Didn't know how to say. 

Nathan nodded his head, sitting up so he was sitting in front of her. She wondered how much he understood. "Is it..too much?" he asked timidly. "I..I don't want to push you. And I don't want to be a distraction. And I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

If thinking about saying goodbye to him was hard, thinking about trying to be without him was even worse. "It is too much. And you are a distraction. But I don't want this to stop. I want... I want this, whatever it is."

The look on his face said it all; relief, happiness, a little bit of love.

"Okay, me too," he breathed a sigh of relief. "You scared me for a second. I thought..."

"I'm bad at this. I don't know the right things to say." That was the problem with spending your life in an ice rink, you missed out on a lot of experiences. Nathan took her hand, leaning forward to kiss her lightly. "Me too. We can be bad at this together," he assured her as he pulled away, before returning to his original position on her lap.

"What would we do in California?" 

He was quiet for a moment. "Well. I'd take you to see where I train. Raf wouldn't believe that you were there and he would want to ask me a dozen questions about it but he wouldn't. We'd ride bikes to the beach. There's nothing like the beach near my house at sunset. We could do a picnic, if you wanted. I don't know if that's lame. If it's not, we wouldn't have to do that. Mariah and Romain, you know them, right? They are my best friends. We could hang out with them, they'd be mad at me if they found out you were there and we didn't do anything. A lot of the time I just go to their house and have dinner on their deck. It's nice. I don't know how well you know them but I think you'd like them a lot. I'd take you to meet Bolt. I know you've seen like a hundred pictures of him but he's even cuter in person, I swear. I'd also want you to have dinner with my mom and I...I know she'd really like that."

Evgenia smiled down at him, shaking her head slightly. "You've put a lot of thought into that, huh?"

Nathan blushed, shutting his eyes in embarrassment. "Shut up. But yeah, maybe."

"I'll come," and before she could say anything else, Nathan's lips were on hers again, kissing her quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, it's been forever, huh? with the season starting back up, i was re-inspired! let me know if you read and enjoyed this, it'll help keep me motivated to continue :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much! i know it takes me forever to update this and i really appreciate everyone who leaves kudos or feedback. it helps keep me going. :) i know this is such a random pairing but something about them just speaks to me! glad you guys are enjoying it.

After two weeks of trying to coordinate schedules, Evgenia found herself in the passenger's seat of Romain Ponsart's car, with Nathan in the back seat, on her way to their rink in California.

"Thanks again for picking me up," she said to Romain, who waved his hand and shook his head. "No problem. I drive Nathan all the time." 

Nathan, eyes on his phone, chuckled from the backseat. "His car is sick, I don't need my own when I can drive in this one." Nathan had a lot of odd English vernacular that Evgenia didn't always understand, but talking to him as much as she did helped her to be able to understand most things he said. Something being "sick" was something she had learned pretty quickly. 

"I'm just sorry the first thing we have to do when you get here is go to the rink. Raf wants me there every day until I leave," Nathan explained. "La, la, la," Romain interrupted loudly before looking at Evgenia. "It's something we don't like to talk about."

Evgenia knew that Nathan and Romain were best friends..and she knew how much the two would miss each other when Nathan left. Nathan talked about Romain all the time and when he wasn't skating, he was normally hanging out with him. Evgenia didn't know Romain all that well, just as well as she knew most people she only saw at a couple of competitions a year, but she already liked him for being such a good friend to Nathan. 

"Don't worry, he's really going to miss you too," Evgenia told Romain with a smile. Romain laughed and quickly looked back at Nathan as he switched lanes, "Aw, you talk about me to Evgenia? I'm flattered." 

"Shut up," Nathan replied, laughing and leaning as far up in the seat as the seatbelt would allow him, reaching his hand between the passenger side door and seat. His fingers brushed her side gently and she jilted slightly in surprise before her hand reached down to hold his.  
-  
Nathan hadn't really told anybody at Lakewood besides Romain and Maria that Evgenia was coming. Michal knew that they were talking and Raf basically knew nothing, but it only took a few minutes of them walking through the door for word to spread. He was just about to go show Evgenia the locker room before Raf was coming up to them.

"You brought visitor, hm?" Raf asked, looking at Nathan, and then Evgenia, and then back at Nathan. He didn't wait for Nathan to answer before giving Evgenia a hug. "Good to see you," he said as he pulled away before turning his attention back on Nathan. 

Nathan knew Raf could be intimidating to people who didn't know him (and the people who did know him also) so Nathan looked at Romain, who instinctively nudged Evgenia's arm. "Here, let me show you where you can put your stuff down," he said, leading her to the locker room so Nathan and Raf could talk.

"What's going on?" Raf asked, arms crossed, but there was an almost amused look on his face. Nathan had spent more time with Raf than his own father and he knew that Raf looked at him like a son..which either made this conversation easier or harder, he wasn't sure.

"I don't know... we've been hanging out. I started talking to her when I went up to Canada for choreography..and then I kept seeing her at shows..." he trailed off. 

"Is she your girlfriend?" Raf asked pointedly, always one to cut to the chase. Nathan could feel himself turning red despite himself. "Come on...I don't know. No? Yes? No? I don't really know. She's here to visit me. That's all right now." He knew that wasn't really all..but that was all Raf really needed to know.

"Kids..." he said, shaking his head but then he reached out and hugged Nathan. "She's a good girl...be smart with her." Nathan hugged him back, feeling pretty silly at the moment but appreciating what Raf was saying all the same.  
-  
Evgenia hadn't brought her skates with her, knowing she was only going to be in California for a couple of days. She almost regretted it being in the rink with Nathan but as she was sitting in the bleachers, watching Nathan work, she felt differently. It was amazing to watch him and Rafael together. Nathan would make a mistake, skate over to Raf and Raf would say two words to him. Nathan would then go and do the same jump again, two or three times, each time more perfect than the last. The relationship between a coach and student, when it worked, was incredible to witness. Evgenia liked to think that she had it with Eteri, at least at one point...and she hoped to find it with Brian as well. 

She also had to laugh at Nathan, with his hair getting long enough that he tied part of it up in a bun on top of his head to keep it out of his eyes. She made a mental note to tease him about that later.  
-  
The two of them were going to be staying at Mariah and Romain's house for the weekend as Nathan's place was kind of a mess. His mom was preparing to move with Nathan moving to the East Coast and it was in no shape for visitors. This made it easy though for Evgenia to borrow Mariah's bike so she and Nathan could bike to the beach, something that Nathan said they _had_ to do.

She followed close behind him, doing her best to not get lost while also take in everything around her. The sun was shining, there were palm trees everywhere...she loved Toronto but she could get used to living in a place like this as well. 

They veered off the path once they reached the beach, locking up their bikes before Nathan took her hand in his. "This way," he pointed to a pier a little far off in the distance. The beach was pretty busy, with families and even a few dogs running around. They walked by a yoga class near the water and Nathan nodded over toward it. "Mariah made me do that once," Nathan admitted.

"You don't seem like you loved it," she laughed, trying to picture him doing yoga.

"I wasn't good at it. I kept falling over! And I felt like the yoga teacher was judging me..." he complained, making a face at her as she kept laughing. "Shhh! It was embarrassing."

"You can't be good at _everything_ , Nathan," she pointed out. still smiling. "Besides, I'm great at yoga. I'll be good enough for the both of us," she added playfully, not able to get the last bit out before Nathan stopped walking and leaned in to kiss her. "Who needs yoga when I can be good at this instead?" he mumbled against her mouth, and she couldn't argue with that.  
-  
They had walked to the edge of one of the piers to watch the sunset over the ocean and Nathan had thought of everything. A blanket and snacks and a little speaker so he could play music softly from his phone. "May or may not have made a playlist," he shrugged sheepishly.

She couldn't imagine anything quite as perfect, the sun reflecting orange and gold hues over the water, the sounds of waves crashing below them. In that moment, she never wanted to leave.

"Won't you miss this?" Evgenia asked. Nathan nodded. "Yeah. I love the beach. And the weather. But I don't know...don't you think the change has been good for you?"

Evgenia thought about it for a moment, remembering that she couldn't picture living anywhere but Russia and now she loved Toronto, even if it was in a different way. "Yeah, it has. But I don't know.. I think if I lived here, it would be hard for me to leave." 

Nathan, looking out at the water, sighed softly. "Yeah. New Haven will be different. But I'm excited. I've been here for like six years..I'm ready for a new environment. And besides, I'll come back here in the summer..and on breaks and stuff. So I'm only gone for a little while. I'll get to have both."

She watched him instead of the water then, wanting to remember how he looked just then; his hair, his skin, his eyes. She didn't know when and if they'd be back here again and she didn't want to forget any of it.

"Raf asked if you were my girlfriend today," he said with a smile, clearly feeling her eyes on him. "Oh my god, he did?" she exclaimed, feeling her cheeks heat up. She put her hands on her face, shaking her head. Then, curiosity got the better of her. "...What did you say?"

Nathan looked over at her then, eyebrows raised. "What do you want me to have said?" She made a face at him and pointed her finger in his direction. "I asked you first."

He smiled then and she felt a bit disarmed, knowing that he thought her obvious discomfort was amusing. "Don't worry, I was totally unsmooth about it. I believe the direct quote was.."Yes, no, I don't know," he said with a shrug. "He likes you though, he would have been thrilled had I just said yes, believe me. Then he probably would have chased you down and tried to talk some sense into you," he laughed.

This whole topic made her feel a lot of things. A lot of things she wasn't sure how to articulate. She didn't know what to say then, so she said nothing. She looked back out at the water and could feel him move closer to her. "Did I make it weird by telling you that? Fuck. I'm sorry, forget I said it," he said and she looked back over at him, shaking her head. "No, you didn't make it weird. I just...hard to explain."

"Can you try?"

She really didn't want to, but she couldn't say no to him either.

She took a deep breath, focusing back on the water below them, trying to find the words somewhere. "It's like...what you said just now, being your girlfriend. It sounds nice, you know?" she paused for a moment. "But then, I don't know. It's a lot. To be someone's girlfriend when you live in a different country." Nathan nodded. "I know. I did long distance with Amber and I managed to fuck that one up. I know it's hard."

Evgenia bit her lip, "Yeah. And I don't want to hold you back, you know."

Nathan looked confused then. "What do you mean?"

Words were hard. She had to be careful..she didn't want to say something that he'd take the wrong way. "I just.. you're going to be at school. Around different people. Living a different life. I just don't want you to feel like you have to worry about me..." 

"Hey, hey," Nathan instantly interrupted her, moving close enough that their legs were touching. He turned his body inward to face her, placing his hands on her arms. "Listen. I want you to know one thing. If you don't want to be my girlfriend because of the distance, look, I get it. I can be okay with how things are right now. But I don't want you to say you don't want to be my girlfriend because you think it won't be enough. Or that I'm going to want more. That's not going to happen."

Evgenia nodded slowly, "Yeah. I just...don't want you to miss out on anything. Any experiences. And I don't want you to get there and decide that it's not what you want. Or it's too much. You're going to have a lot to worry about, you know."

Nathan was quiet, almost resigned then, looking down at his fingers, which she could feel drawing quiet patterns on her skin. She shut her eyes for a moment, focusing on the gentle touch, it centering her for just a moment. She had a knack for ruining these moments for them, it would seem. She just...she felt so much when she was with him and she didn't know what to do with any of it. 

It scared her.

She hoped he knew that's where all this came from. She could tell him a lot, but she wasn't willing to tell him that more than anything, it was her own fear holding her back. She didn't like to feel afraid, vulnerable - and that was _all_ she had been feeling lately.

She wondered if he was feeling that way too.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. His eyes rose to meet hers then and he shook his head, kissing her instead of responding. 

Maybe they didn't need all the answers yet. For now, this had to be enough.


	6. Chapter 6

"Grill's ready!" Romain called from the balcony where he and Nathan were perched, which Mariah and Evgenia could hear through the screen door. Nathan and Romain had settled on some low-fi beats playlist that was now flowing out of a speaker after debating (and getting vetoed by the girls) on which hip-hop playlist most "set the mood."

"You'll get used to them." Mariah said it so easily, it was as if she didn't think of the complications of it. You'll get used to them." As if this was a regular thing. _As if she'd be back._

Mariah quickly looked up from the vegetables she was chopping and shook her head. "I didn't mean that.. like, okay. I don't want to make it weird. It's not like Nathan has said much or anything..but you're here, right?"

"Yes." Evgenia nodded, eyes firmly placed on the green pepper she was cutting. She decided it didn't have to be weird if she didn't make it weird. "So they are normally like that, huh?"

She could almost feel Mariah's sigh of relief. She knew that Nathan considered Mariah and Romain family and that he spent almost all of his time with them. She thought about what that might be like. Even in Russia, she was friendly with some of the people at the rink - but that's all it was. Pleasantries, training, more pleasantries. Wash, rinse, repeat. She was never particularly close with any of them. She didn't realize how nice it might be to have something like Nathan had until she was surrounded by it. She thought that it could get like that at the Cricket Club. If she let it.

A lot of things could happen, if she just let them.

"Oh my god, yes. Sometimes I feel like it's the two of them that are in a relationship and I'm the third wheel. I've known Nathan a long time and I love him like a little brother..but he's Romain's best friend. He's really going to miss him being around."

Evgenia nodded. "I know Nathan's going to miss you guys too." Her eyes finally left the vegetables in front of her to smile over at Mariah, who looked like she wanted to say more but didn't.  
-  
The sun was setting against the backdrop of the city and what Nathan loved most about Romain and Mariah's is that if you looked hard enough, you could see the beach from their balcony. The four of them had been sitting outside for hours after dinner, just talking and laughing, telling stories about everything and nothing.

Nathan couldn't help but think about how seamless Evgenia fit in with the three of them. How pretty she looked with her hair down, fingers wrapped around the stem of her wine glass, how her whole body shook when she laughed at something ridiculous Raf had said in whatever story Romain was telling.

He aimlessly plucked at the strings of his guitar, trying to distract himself from staring.

Moments turned to hours and evening turned to night before Romain and Mariah excused themselves, saying there were going to get ready for bed. The way Roman patted him on the shoulder as he went inside wasn't lost on Nathan.

They hadn't been alone since the previous night where he had kind of admitted that he wanted her to be his girlfriend and she had kind of but not really rejected him.

The air felt heavy around them. Of things both said and unsaid.

Nathan bit his lip. "Do you wanna go in too?"

He watched as she wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head silently.

"Okay then. Hang on," Nathan sat his guitar down and walked inside before coming back out with a blanket. He wrapped it around her shoulders gently before sitting back down.

"Thank you," she smiled at him, settling into her chair. "I like your friends very much. I mean, I knew them before..but just a little bit. But I like them very much."

He grinned. "I could tell. They like you too. Mariah told me it was nice to have another girl around. I think Romain and I drive her a little crazy."

"You guys do talk about shoes a lot," Evgenia pointed out and Nathan couldn't stop laughing. "Okay, we don't talk about shoes that much."

"You literally spent twenty minutes showing each other Instagram pictures of Nike shoes earlier. And I get it, I like Nike too. But you guys wouldn't shut up."

She looked so proud of herself.

Nathan was in deep.

"Alright, alright, fuck, you're a savage," he held up his hands as if to surrender, still laughing. "You've got us figured out, huh?"

She shrugged, quiet for a moment. "It's nice that you found people like them, to train with. I hope to have it someday too."

"You will. There's a lot of nice people at the Cricket Club. And Jason's there now. I know you'll find it. You just have to give it time."

I wish we trained together. You here or me there. Or I just wish we lived near each other. I wish you didn't feel so lonely. Those were all the things he wished he could say but that laid dormant somewhere between his head and his heart.   
-  
The breeze was picking up and Evgenia pulled the blanket he had brought her tightly around her. She could feel the two glasses of wine she drank all throughout her body, her limbs feeling looser.

She hoped he was right. About giving it time. She would try. But now that she saw what it was like here, what it could be like - her heart ached even more.

She always looked at figure skating as such a solitary thing. Sure, there was a team: coaches and choreographers. Voices. Opinions. But it wasn't until you are on the ice, ready to start your program, that you were truly alone. Then, nothing else matters. Only what you do. Only what you can control.

She was older now. February 2018 had only been months ago but felt like years. She didn't even feel like she knew that person anymore.

Not that she really knew this person either. Someone who flew to another country just to spend a few days with a boy. A boy who's curly hair and glasses that she couldn't stop staring at. That she couldn't stop wanting to kiss. Even if she was trying to will herself to want otherwise.

She was used to her mind being occupied with skating. Run-throughs. Jumps. Spins. Footwork. Transitions. Music. Now her mind was occupied with that but mixed in were thoughts of hands and lips and skin.

She was caught between. She didn't know how to be both people. The person who wanted success but also wanted <i>someone.</i> Was it possible to have both? Did she deserve to?

Looking at him from across the table..man, she really hoped so.

"Will you play me something?" a question she asked him often, but normally over Facetime. He'd prop his phone up on his bookshelf and sit directly across it on the floor.

He sat quietly, staring at the guitar, presumably trying to choose what to play. He always thought carefully on Facetime too, not wanting to play her something she had already heard him play before.

He only ever played, he never sang.

So when he started singing....uh oh.

"Let me bring you out of town, I will never let you down. Making sure you feel desired, throwing water on your fire.."

His voice was deep, quiet. Almost a hushed tone, but loud enough to be heard over the strings of his guitar.

"More than welcome in my zone, catching feelings that I've thrown. Even though my heart is stone, you will never feel alone..."

His eyes were closed as his fingers moved effortlessly across the strings. It was almost as if he went somewhere else. She felt like an intruder in a way.  
  
She didn't realize until he finished that she had stopped breathing.

She didn't know whether to clap or cry.

"Thank you," she murmured. He laughed, shaking his head. "You know, one of these days you'll realize that I'll basically do anything you ask." He paused. "Within reason."

His frankness startled her. But she was too disarmed to care. "Within reason, huh?"

"Within reason. Should have never told you that."

"Probably not," she agreed. She didn't want to tell him that at his point, she may do anything he asks her to do also.

Within reason, of course.  
-  
Evgenia woke up the next morning with arms around her. He was a deep sleeper and his already unruly hair was even more disobedient in the morning, pointing in a hundred different ways.

She just watched him for a few minutes before he began to stir as well. She knew he was awake by the way he pulled her in closer. His eyes never opened but she could feel his breath against her hair.

"Do you have to leave today," he mumbled against her. "Don'twantyouto," the last part sounding more like one word than a complete thought. She understood the message though.

"Yeah, I do," she sighed.  
-  
Romain let Nathan borrow his car to take Evgenia to the airport, understanding the importance of a private goodbye. The drive to the airport was quiet, even with Los Angeles traffic being what it was. Evgenia had spent most of the drive looking out the window.

Nathan didn't want to waste this time together, their last moments before she went back to Canada, before he went to school, before his life changed.

But he didn't know what to say either. He had already said so much. And then he sang that song. Which maybe said more than words could.

But now, here she was, saying nothing. But so was he.

When he pulled into the drop-off lane at the airport, he got out of the car and went into the trunk to get her bag. She was waiting by the passenger door when he handed it to her.

"I, uh, hope you have a good flight," he stammered, not sure how to navigate this. She simply nodded, looking down at the ground.

He was about to say something else, what, he didn't know, when she dropped her bag on the ground and hugged him tightly, her arms wrapping around his waist, her head pressed against his chest.

He hugged her back, deciding not to say anything.

"You go to school next week," he felt the words rather than heard them.

"I go to school next week," he repeated.

She sighed. "I don't," she pulled away slightly to look up at him, "I don't know how to do this."

"You're doing okay," he assured her.

She looked as if she was trying to find her words. He gave her the space to do that, waiting quietly.

"Remember, you asked me.. you said that Raf asked you if I was your girlfriend." He shook his head to indicate yes, he remembered and also yes, that almost rejection is not something he wanted to relive.

"What if..when you went back, you told him that yeah, I am?" she bit her lip, shifting from one foot to the other.

Nathan wanted to scream, "Uh, fuck yeah!! I'd love that!! More than anything!!" but instead he remained muted, not wanting to put any additional pressure on her.

"I mean, is that what you want?" He needed to make sure. He needed to hear it.

"There's a lot of things I want. This..you...it's one of them." She barely got the rest of her sentence out before Nathan kissed her. About two minutes went by before she pulled away, breath ragged.

He musters a "sorry" (but he really isn't), hands moving down to hold hers. Her eyes dipped down to look at their fingers, now intertwined.

"I'll probably be bad at this," she murmured.

"You don't have to be anything," he assured her. He took the feel of her in, her skin against his, as it would have to sustain him until they were together again.

"Just..be patient with me, okay?" The look on her face made him want to give her everything.

He looked up for a moment, pretending to be lost in thought. When he looked back down at her, he was unable to contain his smile. "Hm, seems within reason."

She, too, smiled then. "Within reason," she echoed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for your continued support! i'm planning on having this story follow their real ups and downs from the season so there's a lot more where this came from..especially considering i am only now getting to where nathan is going to school/the season is beginning! really thinking about evgenia especially after this weekend and hoping she keeps her head high <3 i hope to hear from any of you who are reading/enjoying this story, thanks again!!!


	7. Chapter 7

Nathan spent the next week before leaving for school at something that he keeps calling Champs Camp. He tried to describe it to Evgenia as something like their Russian test skates but she didn't think it sounded anything like it. Sure, he had to perform his programs - but there were no cameras, no fans, they even got puppies to play with.

"You'd die if you had to skate in Russia. No puppies there," she wrote him after he sent her a particularly cute selfie with a puppy's nose squished up against his cheek.

"Hey, I could skate in Russia. I WON in Russia, remember? I balled out," he shot back quickly, before sending her a quick picture of him with his gold medal that he must have Googled, followed by an emoji with sunglasses. She then sent him a picture of her winning at the same event, trying to ignore the twinge of sadness that sparked in the pit of her stomach as she looked at it. It just felt like a lifetime ago. 

"Ok, ok, you the queen of Russia, I get it," he replied. She was going to type something else when the three dots that indicated he was typing again popped up. "But I'm dating the queen of Russia, so who's still the winner?" And then a gif of himself throwing confetti in the air, followed by an "and yeah, I just used a gif of myself. Never again." That sadness she felt was then replaced with a warmth that she wanted desperately to hold onto since she couldn't reach out and touch him.  
-  
Nine years of intense training with Rafael had prepared him for what moving furniture, luggage and his whole life up three flights of stairs to his new home at Yale was like. He had his own room in a suite that he was going to share with five others. His mom was quick to start putting his clothes away for him as he was putting some of his favorite pictures on the wall above his desk when he shook his head. "Nah, mom, it's okay, I got it," he told her. He figured the first step to living on his own had to be putting away his own clothes. 

He had thought about this moment a lot, the moment when his mom left and it was just him to face this new life he was creating for himself. Sure, his agent Yuki had been instrumental in making sure Yale knew exactly what he needed. She had attended Yale herself and she had become the perfect go-between. But even knowing that he had his own ice time set up, both at Yale and another rink nearby - as well as preferential treatment for class times and schedules, this was still uncharted territory. No mom (even though he felt she had eyes everywhere), no Rafael (although he was only a phone call away), no Romain or Mariah. He could almost hear the voices, hear the doubts. At Champs Camp, even though no one directly came out and said, "Hey, maybe don't do this..." he could feel the sentiment through their words. He knew how Rafael felt. Hell, he even had doubts. But he wasn't a fan of being told he couldn't do something. And he was willing to go to extreme measures to prove that he could.

So he said goodbye to his mom and hello to a new chapter, a new life.  
-  
He didn't have time to talk to Evgenia much those first few days beyond some texts here and there, as Yale had packed the freshman's schedules with meet and greets and panels and parties and Nathan wanted to participate in everything. It was weird and amazing all at once to be around people who's first thought wasn't about a program run-through or an upcoming competition. He had a few people who came up to him and asked for an autograph, which he obliged - even though he wasn't here to be Nathan Chen, World Champion but Nathan Chen, Yale student who was just as excited and nervous as he was sure everyone else was. 

He even found time before classes started to fly up to Montreal for three days, where Jean Luc and Kaitlyn teased him about Evgenia over pancakes and he tried to soak up as much of Marie France's knowledge as he could before the season began.

He was so busy with everything, it took his body a few days to catch up. That was why the first time he found the time to Skype with Evgenia, he was in bed with the blankets wrapped around him, sick as hell.

Evgenia's smile quickly turned to a look of concern, "Oh no, what's wrong?" she asked after he appeared on her screen. Nathan coughed before responding, "I think I'm not used to being around all these strangers. Maybe the cold ice rink kills all the germs and now my body is like, wait, life exists and I don't like it." 

"Aw, oh no, I'm sorry. How is it otherwise? Are you having fun?" she paused, "I mean, like not now...but in general?" Nathan nodded. "Yeah, it's great. Everyone's really nice so far..and hella smart. Like, crazy smart. I keep waiting for them to be like, oops, sorry, we accepted you by mistake."

"You are also crazy smart, you know," she pointed out. Nathan scoffed, adjusting himself so he was laying on his side, facing the computer screen. "Yeah, yeah. How are you though?"

"I'm okay. Leaving for Russia in a couple of days. You know, I gotta go skate...who knows, maybe they'll be nice and surprise us with some puppies too."

He laughed, which then turned into a cough. "Let me know how that works out for you."

"Yeah, I'm not holding my breath." There was silence for a moment.

"I miss you, you know," he told her, watching her face change at the admission. He was reminded of their conversation in California, about how she didn't want to hold him back. He knew that there was a lot she probably wanted to ask him, but wasn't. 

There were many, many girls at Yale. Hell, he lived with two of them. Two of his suitemates had already bragged to him about hook-ups they had while he had been in Canada, with a, "Hey man, you really missed out," attached to it. He was prepared to hear a lot of that, as he didn't anticipate having much time to go to parties. Which he was okay with, honestly. He was social, but not extroverted. He liked to be around people, but not a ton of people that he barely knew. He wasn't trying to do this whole Yale thing for that, anyway. He had already gotten the, "Really? You came to college with a girlfriend?" look from some of the guys he had met. He didn't care about that though. Just another thing to prove people wrong about.

"I miss you too," she replied quietly. "A lot." She paused. "This is hard."

Nathan nodded. "I know. I'm going to be better about Skyping now that I'm settled. I promise." 

"Good. Texts are okay and all, but I like seeing your face too."

"Even when I look like this?"

Evgenia scrunched up her nose. "Well....."

"Hey!"

"Just kidding. Yes, even now."  
-  
The next month flew by. The Russian test skates went pretty well, skating wise. Not perfect, but Evgenia got through it. She fielded a bunch of questions from the press about her move to Brian. She noted their tone, skeptical, non-believing. It was weird to not feel welcome in her own home country. She had been so excited to go back, to see old friends. She found herself wanting to run back to Canada by the end of the week though, feeling the strain of judgment and doubt. 

She fielded more fun questions from some of the girls, all wanting to know about her and Nathan. She didn't want to be distracted because that was something she would always tell herself, skating always came first. But after basically being called a traitor to her country in not as many direct words by more than one person and dealing with Eteri's pointed stare from across the rink, it was nice to talk about how she and Nathan got together or the first time they kissed.

"Fuck 'em," Nathan had said, his face half on the screen and half stuffed in a Chemistry textbook. He had insisted on talking to her after she had sent him messages talking about how much she hated everyone. She knew he was busy but he had been doing a really good job of making sure he had time for her, even if he was in the middle of doing something else. 

"Can you fly over here and tell them that?" she asked, shaking her head. "They already hate me too much so if I said that I think I'd actually get kicked off the Russian team."

"Sure, after your long program I'll just skate out while you're in your final pose with a microphone and be like, "And fuck all you guys! And that means you too, Eteri." And then I'll just come off the ice and then directly into witness protection." She laughed. "Make room for me, I'll have to go too. For being associated with it."

"I can think of worse things," he looked up from his Chemistry book to smile at her.

"Same here."  
-  
As okay as the Russian test takes went, Japan Open went about as well - in the opposite direction. It had taken longer for Nathan to get over his sickness than he had expected plus trying to get used to his new schedule and demands - he showed up completely unprepared. Also the jet lag fucking sucked. He knew all this. And he had prepared Raf for it.

And certainly delivered on. He fell three times. Popped another jump. It wasn't the first outing of the season he wanted but he knew the circumstances and so he wasn't beating himself up over it.

If anything, the only thing he was mad about is that he knew people were now saying - see, look, Nathan, we told you that you couldn't do school and this.

"Well, I told you-" Raf had started.

"It's not because of school. I mean it is, but I'm getting better. It's getting easier. It just was hard to be sick for those first couple weeks. Next time you see me, I swear it - I'll be better," Nathan had promised him. He had another couple of weeks before Skate America. He knew it would get better.

Raf looked skeptical, but he had long learned that he couldn't talk Nathan out of anything, so he didn't try to.

"Fuck 'em!" Evgenia had said. Nathan had his air pods on in the airport, computer on his lap as he leaned up against the floor, just ready to get back to school.

"You're getting good at that. I think I'm a bad influence."

"Yeah, you get long hair and all of a sudden you're a bad influence," Evgenia teased.

"Raf hates it. ...Which makes me like it a little bit more to be honest."

"Yeah, okay," she said with a smile. He knew that she didn't love it. But he knew that it didn't matter, not really.

"I wish you had been here," he admitted. "I miss you."

"Japan is kind of our place. Did you have any saké?"

"I wanted to, after skating. Mariah offered to go out but I said no. I had some reading to do."

"Aw, I love dating a nerd." Nathan blushed. "Shut up. But also, yeah."

"We can have some in France? Saké, I mean." France came up often. It would be the first time they saw each other since California. There were times when it was all Nathan could think about. And then there were times when he tried not to think about it, because it still felt like too long away.

"Yeah! We can celebrate both making the Final,"

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Lexie_NY for reminding me that some people wanted to see more of this story! As we know, their dreams of both making the final don't come to fruition..and that's also where we're going to get a taste of some drama. I promise that this won't take me another few months to update. Thanks so much for your support!!


End file.
